Early days.

Early days. 

I feel it is important to explain where my career started and the impact various elements of it had on my future well being. I will get to the depression and darker stuff later in but for now I need to provide a background and fill in the blanks a bit. There are certain elements of my early career that I can remember vividly and can now attribute to the way I am now. I was fortunate enough to have a decent amount of success at a young age despite having what I would now deem as poor coaching and a poor environment to train. One niggle I have is that I never got to the bottom of the talent and that is a big regret. Football has changed now, and kids are getting much more coaching and at a better standard. I wonder just how good I could of been given that sort of input from 12-16. At that age I was still enjoying my football and I was in a relatively happy place. Youth team football came for a season and I continued to develop.

I was thrust into the limelight at seventeen and big things were expected. I did well initially but as with many young footballers as the pressure increased, so did the expectation. I received very little help into to how to handle the pressure but I do know I used to play without fear. 17 is such a young age to be playing regular first team football and beyond a cursory “Are you ok?” I got little else my way. Looking back I can reflect on this period with a certain sadness. At the time it felt fantastic but longer term it did my development significant harm to have success so young. There were a lot of big clubs looking at me and I developed an ego and despite training hard I look back and realise I could of done so much more if I had been guided and in some cases made to do that bit more. I was already putting in extra graft by going out 30 mins early for training every day just to make sure certain elements were ticked before first team training started. The truth is heads get turned at 17 and my head was turned, waiting for that big move. Press articles appeared with headlines about top premier league clubs making a move for me. Looking back I can see how immature I acted. Feeds my ego with designer clothes, cars I shouldn’t of bought and nights out. Agents were also on the phone every week, promising the world. My family wasn’t from a football background and just wanted what was best for me. One agent saying he knew this manger another saying he had contacts with this club, it was very hard to know who to trust.

At the time I was ignorant about diet, rehydration, gym work, stretching and so on. The list is endless. I had a rudimentary grasp on these things but it was limited to what I had heard and seen from mostly more senior professionals. Sports science was a relatively new thing at the time and clubs still hadn’t got to the bottom of how best to use it, especially on a tight budget. I was in good shape but I could of been in even better shape. I could of been sharper, stronger, faster and so on. However I signed a long term contract and made the successful transition to a full time first team member.

Football is a very unforgiving and macho sport especially when you first enter it as a young player, it can be a very daunting work place. The changing room is unique environment to go to work, a place where literally anything goes. Any sign of weakness is pounced upon and used against you. We had a very poor squad in my first couple of years with the odd player being head and shoulders above the squad. It was a steep learning curve and at the time I was still enjoying my football. There were one or two pros who had played at a higher level including premier league and international. I used to look up to them. Their attitude was different. They prepared right, did that bit extra, thought that but quicker. It also told in their attitudes to others. There was no condescension to young pros. They were confident in their own ability and didn’t feel threatened by new players. I admired and respected that and told myself when I get to be a senior player I would always try and act in a helpful and respectful way to younger pros. My career changed when a club came in and a fee was agreed, I was initially happy but that was to all change when I finally moved clubs