Dealing with rejection in football.
When I got released from a club I loved being at it hit me hard. It’s a strange feeling as a footballer being ‘unemployed’ so to speak. What made it worse was that 3 months earlier after a good run in the team, a new contract was discussed and the vibes were that the club wanted to keep me beyond the end of the season. I should of seen the warning signs when the talks were put on hold till the end of the season, so that the club could see which division they would be in. The run I had in the team was the best I have played in my career and after a solid run of performances my anxiety and fear was as an all time low. My confidence was growing and I felt good in games. Whether my contract running out was playing on my mind I don’t know but I felt like I was performing well and in my mind I deserved a new contract. We narrowly missed out on promotion and in fairness that in my mind strengthened my claims for a new contract as going up a division would have been a level I hadn’t played at.
Being called into the manager office knowing your future is going to be decided in the next 30 seconds is a daunting prospect. I kept my council after the rejection and thanked the manger for everything. I got in the car and drove straight home, picked my my 6 month old up and sobbed holding onto my baby tightly. I enjoyed playing for this club, had a beautiful house, my family were settled and I had good friends within the squad. It was like a hammer blow being told I wasn’t required anymore. The fact I can remember the feelings and emotions like it was yesterday shows to me the impact it had on me. My family’s were very supportive as always but it was a difficult period for me. It took me a while to come to terms with the rejection and it was promoted a host of emotions I hadn’t had through football. Was I good enough? Could I really play at that level? What did the future hold?
Then came the waiting game, my agent put the feelers out and my name was put about. Luckily there was interest straight away on the back of a decent season for my club and me personally. Unfortunately for me it came down to a financial decision rather than a playing one and in hindsight I 100% made the wrong decision. Obviously at the time I had to make the call. One club offered the guarantee of being in the team from the start and being an integral part of the team being built, but it was 20% less money than I was earning and also a league below where I had been playing. It was also a long way from where I was living and would of required moving house and possibly renting an additional house in the interim. Financially it would of been a squeeze with a pay cut. The other choice I had was a club matching my money but no guarantee of starting. The club was much bigger in profile and was a bigger club all round. I had always had in my mind stay in as high a league as possible as you can always drop down later on. With that in my mind and the offer of my wages being matched I chose that club. I chose wrong.
I spent a couple of unhappy years at the club I chose. It was a club in decline despite its size and I never truly settled. The training facilities were poor and the coaching was practically none existent. I regressed as a player and became frustrated with the situation, I attempted to get out on loan and that was blocked. It’s the only club I have been at where we were booed off when winning 1-0 at half time. The fans wanted more and had high expectations. The truth is we had a 1 or 2 excellent players and the rest were very average. We sold our best player in my second season and from then on we struggled, eventually getting relegated. I knew where I was heading and it was confirmed I was leaving the club. The difference was I felt a relief, like the pressure had lifted. The time I had spent here had left its mark though and I knew I had a big decision ahead of me. Do I continue to play professional football or do I had look for another career? I will look at my decision in the next blog.
Thanks for reading.
howfootballruinedmylife 